Why You Should Never Date A Single Mom
Looking at the contemporary dating scene, it’s no surprise that dating a single mom might seem like an attractive proposition to some.
Single mothers possess qualities like resilience, maturity, and a nurturing nature, which are all highly desirable. They’re also generally more experienced and might have a better understanding of life’s ups and downs.
However, despite the myriad of possible benefits, there are reasons one might want to think twice before plunging into a relationship with a single mom. This isn’t to pass judgment or say that single moms aren’t amazing – they absolutely are – but rather to present a more comprehensive view of the possible challenges that could arise.
17 reasons why you shouldn’t date a single mother
1. Playing second fiddle
Dating a single mom often feels like auditioning for a supporting role in a movie, where the kids are the lead actors. While her dedication to her children is admirable, it can sometimes mean your needs and wants aren’t prioritized.
Saturday night romantic dinners might become Saturday afternoon soccer matches, and deep midnight conversations could turn into lullaby-singing sessions. It’s a case of ‘mommy first, girlfriend second’, which can feel a bit like always eating leftovers while craving the main course.
2. Instant ‘ready-made’ family
Dating a single mom is like buying a house with tenants already living inside. You’re not only dating her but also signing up for an instant family. This isn’t a ‘build-your-own-relationship’ but more of a ‘slot-yourself-in-the-existing-structure’.
Negotiating your place in an established family system can be more challenging than finding a parking spot in downtown at rush hour.
3. The lingering ex
There’s a high probability of an ex-partner lurking somewhere in the background. He’s not just an ex, but he’s also the kids’ dad, and that can create more triangles than a geometry book.
His presence, however necessary for the kids, will inevitably complicate your relationship dynamics.
4. Her life is hectic
Single moms are like superheroes juggling jobs, kids, and personal life, often with less free time on their hands. You’ll need to have the patience of a saint as you try to squeeze into the narrow slots of ‘available’ time in her jam-packed schedule.
5. The budget squeeze
Kids are adorable, but let’s face it, they cost an arm and a leg. Dating a single mom might mean supporting her financially, directly or indirectly, which can get pretty darn costly the more children she has.
6. A whirlwind of emotions
Single moms can come with emotional suitcases packed with experiences, past traumas, or parenting stress. You may find yourself cast in the role of an emotional therapist, absorbing these pressures and playing the role of comforter, often with more drama than a soap opera.
7. Life stage mismatch
If you’re at a stage where your biggest concern is whether to binge-watch your favorite series or hang out with friends, while she’s losing sleep over bills and school fees, then Houston, we have a problem. The misalignment of life stages is bound to create friction between the two of you.
It’s not just about winning her heart; it’s about winning her kids’ hearts too. It’s a package deal. And let’s be real, kids can be tougher critics than Gordon Ramsay on a bad day. They could either welcome you with open arms or stare at you like you’re an alien from Mars.
Or worse yet, they could decide they simply don’t like you and make your life a living nightmare, turning your dream relationship into a scene straight out of a horror movie. Navigating their temper tantrums requires a level of diplomacy that could put seasoned negotiators to shame.
9. Farewell spontaneity
Want to surprise her with a last-minute weekend getaway? Forget it. Single moms’ schedules are planned down to the last detail, usually with no wiggle room. Spontaneity becomes a rare commodity and your date nights will almost always require lots of planning.
10. Double the heartbreak
If things don’t work out, the breakup isn’t just with her, but also with her kids. You’re not only dealing with a broken heart but also the guilt of potentially causing little hearts to break.
And think about it: these children have probably had to deal with their parents’ separation or divorce already. If your relationship ends, it might add another layer of hurt and disappointment to their young lives.
It’s like a double whammy, causing not just your own heartache (especially if you’ve grown attached to her kids), but potentially exacerbating theirs as well.
11. Less privacy
Depending on the age of the children, your private moments with your partner might be rare. Those quiet, intimate times together may often be interrupted by children’s needs. Imagine trying to have a romantic moment, only for it to be interrupted by a kid needing help with homework – definitely a mood changer.
At the start of a new relationship, these moments are crucial. It’s the time when you bond, establish a deeper connection, and explore each other’s thoughts and feelings without interruption. Yet, in a relationship with a single mom, these moments could be as elusive as a snowflake in the Sahara.
The lack of privacy could affect the pace and depth of your relationship development, turning your intimate rendezvous into family gatherings.
12. The decision-making process
The decision-making process can be more complex when you’re dating a single mom. Something as simple as deciding to move to a new city becomes a major discussion involving schools, childcare, and potential disruptions to the children’s life. It’s not just about what’s best for the two of you, but what’s best for her family as a whole.
13. Maturity gap
Single mothers tend to be more mature, given the responsibilities they’ve had to shoulder. If you’re not at the same level of maturity, it can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. You’ll need to grow up faster than your non-single-mother-dating peers, and maybe you’re just not ready for that.
Her maturity could also make you feel like a child, as though you’re dating your own mother! Not something anyone’s going.
14. Potential insecurity
Children will naturally compare you to their biological father. If they have a strong bond with him, you’ll more than likely feel insecure or inadequate.
This can trigger a series of self-doubts and insecurities, wondering whether you’re good enough or if you’ll ever match up to the image of their father. It’s a psychological battle that can take a toll on your self-esteem and the overall health of your relationship.
15. Readiness for parenthood
Dating a single mom means you might have to step into a parenting role sooner than expected. This can be daunting if you aren’t ready for that level of commitment or responsibility. It’s like being a part-time parent without going through the training program first.
16. Limited influence on parenting
When dating a single mom, you often have no real say in how she parents her children, especially in the early stages of the relationship.
While you may have strong opinions on child-rearing, your ability to express them could be limited. This can sometimes lead to feelings of frustration or exclusion, particularly when issues of discipline, respect, and boundaries come into play. You may have a different perspective on how these should be handled, but find yourself voiceless in such crucial matters.
17. Her body
Yep, I’m gonna go there!
Pregnancy and childbirth can bring about significant changes to a woman’s body. From stretch marks and sagging breasts to C-section scars, a single mom might carry visible reminders of her journey to motherhood.
If you’re the kind of person who’s hung up on physical perfection, this could be a bit of a reality check.
Look, I get it, I really do. Single mothers (some of them, not all, let’s be clear on that) are the bee’s knees, the cat’s pajamas, the whole nine yards. They’re often incredible individuals who juggle more balls than a professional circus performer, and they do it with style, grace, and an undeniable strength that can’t help but draw you in.
However, being smitten by a single mom doesn’t mean you should ignore the potential challenges. It’s like wanting to adopt an adorable puppy without considering the chewed shoes, house training, and 6 AM walks you’re signing up for.
What we’ve discussed here isn’t to discourage you from dating a single mom but to arm you with enough information to allow you to go into this with your eyes wide open, understanding that it’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows.