Why You Should Never Do Friends With Benefits
All right, let’s dive into the deep end of the pool of contemporary relationships and talk about that notorious arrangement known as Friends with Benefits, or FWB, if you’re into that whole brevity thing. It’s a bit like the hookup culture’s cooler, supposedly more chill cousin.
What exactly is a “friends with benefits” arrangement?
A “friends with benefits” arrangement is a type of casual sexual relationship between two people who label themselves as “just friends.” The idea behind it is that the two individuals involved can enjoy the physical intimacy of a relationship, typically sexual activity, without the commitment and emotional involvement traditionally associated with a romantic partnership.
This kind of relationship is intended to offer the “benefits” of dating – namely, sexual intimacy – while avoiding the complications, demands, and potential heartbreak that can come with a more traditional romantic relationship. The two people involved often set certain boundaries and rules to ensure that their interactions remain casual and that neither party develops romantic feelings for the other.
All sounds great, right?
Well, here’s the rub. This ‘chill cousin’ is often anything but chill. It’s a setup that’s almost always doomed to fail. And boy, can it get messy!
Pull up a chair and let’s talk about why you should steer clear of the FWB arrangement, no matter how tempting it might appear on the surface.
8 reasons why you shouldn’t do friends with benefits
1. Emotions are stubborn beasts
You can’t just schedule your feelings to turn on and off like a Netflix subscription. You might start off with a clear agreement, but feelings aren’t notorious for sticking to contracts. One fine morning, you could wake up with a bad case of the feelings. And what then? It gets complicated, and fast.
2. Boundaries often get blurred
With a standard-issue relationship, you’ve got some set rules. But with FWB, the lines are hazier than a foggy San Francisco morning. Is cuddling okay? Can you go on dates? What about public displays of affection? You’ll find that defining boundaries in this setup can be as tricky as explaining the plot of ‘Inception’ after a couple of margaritas!
3. The green-eyed monster is no joke
Let’s be real. You’re only human. So even if you’ve vowed to keep things casual, seeing your ‘friend’ flirting with someone else at a party might just sting a little (or a lot). And let’s not even get started on how you’d feel if they started dating someone else.
4. The ‘It’s complicated’ relationship status was made for this
Let’s just say you manage to avoid catching feelings, keep your boundaries clear and stave off any pangs of jealousy. Congratulations! But there’s still the issue of explaining your setup to others. Your mom’s probing questions, your friends’ curious glances, even your neighbor’s awkward small talk – they all suddenly seem like a tribunal investigating your relationship status.
Not everyone will understand the ins and outs, and with lack of understanding comes judgment. Yeah, it’s nobody’s business but yours, but that won’t stop people having opinions. Loud ones.
5. You might miss out on ‘The One’
Here’s the deal: being in an FWB situation might cause you to overlook or even dismiss potential serious relationships. Why? Because you’re already getting some of the benefits of a relationship without having to commit. But who knows what lovely individual you might have bumped into if you weren’t so busy trying to keep your feelings on ice for your FWB?
6. Breakups are messy, but FWB endings can be messier
“Friends with benefits” situations can indeed be a minefield when they come to an end. In a traditional relationship, the process of breaking up, while painful, is often more clear-cut. You can separate, take some time to heal, and then decide if a friendship is possible in the future.
In an FWB arrangement, however, the lines are blurred. You started as friends, became something more (but not quite a committed couple), and now you’re trying to transition back to just being friends. The ‘let’s just be friends’ card has already been played. It’s a bit like trying to unscramble an egg.
7. Sooner or later, it’s going to feel empty
Even though the whole premise of FWB is built on the absence of emotional commitment, at some point, the hollowness of the arrangement might begin to gnaw at you.
Sharing a bed is one thing, but when you’re not sharing your lives, fears, ambitions, or problems, the experience can eventually feel empty. That lack of emotional depth is one of the main reasons why these types of arrangements fail.
8. Damage to the friendship is almost inevitable
This one’s a no-brainer. Sure, there might be the rare friendship that survives the FWB arrangement unscathed, but it’s more the exception than the rule.
Sex and feelings complicate things, that’s just the way it is. Once they’ve entered the mix, you can kiss goodbye to whatever you had prior.
You have to ask yourself: Is it really worth risking a solid friendship for some temporary physical gratification?
Final thought
The world of “friends with benefits” is fraught with potential pitfalls and emotional booby traps. It’s like trying to navigate a relationship minefield blindfolded. Is it possible? Maybe. But more importantly, is it worth it?
You might want to think twice before diving head first into those murky waters. Good friends aren’t all that easy to find, so if you have one, you should do everything in your power to preserve the friendship. In this case, “preserving” means NOT jumping into bed with your buddy!