Why You Should Never Help Others
It’s innate to many of us to want to help others. We’re taught at a young age to share our toys, lend a hand, and be kind to people.
For the most part, this is a good thing. Helping people can create a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction, and it can be a great way to build relationships with others. If we’re doing well in life, it can also be a way to give back and make a positive impact in the world.
But what if I told you that this benevolent act of helping those around you actually has downsides? Sounds crazy, right? Well, let’s explore this below.
12 reasons why you shouldn’t help others
1. It sets unrealistic expectations
What might start out as a one-time favor can quickly turn into a never-ending cycle of expectations. Once you help someone, they may start to rely on you for future help and support, creating a sense of entitlement that can be difficult to break.
2. It’s exhausting
Let’s be honest, helping others gets tiring. It’s like being a superhero, always on call to save the day. But unlike superheroes, we don’t have superpowers or a utility belt to help us out. It’s just us and our willingness to lend a hand.
And let’s not forget the emotional toll it can take on us. Helping someone with a problem can be draining, especially if it’s a recurring issue.
3. It can enable bad behavior
Sometimes, when we help someone too much, we actually enable their bad behavior. For example, if we keep bailing out a friend who can’t seem to keep a job, we may unintentionally be preventing them from facing the consequences of their actions and learning to take responsibility for their life.
4. People will become lazy and dependent
To piggyback on the previous point, your constant help could be preventing people from developing their own skills or finding their own solutions to their problems. They may come to rely on you too much, which can lead to a sense of dependency and even laziness.
5. It can make you a target for manipulation
Unfortunately, there are some people out there who will take advantage of your kindness and generosity. They may manipulate you into doing things for them or make you feel guilty if you don’t.
6. It can lead to resentment
If you’re constantly helping others and not taking care of yourself, you might end up feeling resentful. Being taking advantage of is not a nice feeling, so it’s bound to cause tension in your relationships.
But that’s not the only resentment that can arise. Sometimes, people who receive help may end up resenting their helpers for making them feel dependent or inferior. It happens more often than you might think. After a while, people tend to envy the person who keeps helping them out.
7. It can hurt your own goals
When we’re too focused on helping others, we can lose sight of our own goals and aspirations. We may neglect our needs and desires in order to help someone else, leading to a feeling of unfulfillment and stagnation.
8. Your finances might suffer
Helping others isn’t always cheap. Whether it’s lending money, buying someone a gift, or even just covering the cost of a meal, that stuff adds up. If you’re not careful, you could end up in a worse financial position than the person you’re trying to help!
9. It could be dangerous
Sometimes, helping people can put you in dangerous situations. For example, if you stop to help someone on the side of the road, you may be putting yourself at risk of being attacked.
Helping someone with a mental health issue can also be dangerous if you’re not trained to deal with it properly.
Even helping out financially can get you into trouble. For example, if you lend money to someone who’s involved in illegal activities, you could end up getting in trouble with the law.
There’s also the possibility that your generosity makes you a target. Someone with ill intentions, having seen how much money you have to spare, could decide to set you up to be robbed.
10. Your help could be pointless
Sometimes, our well-intentioned help may not actually solve the problem. Think about when we offer unsolicited advice to someone who doesn’t want to hear it. They may nod along and say thank you, but in reality, they’re not going to take our advice.
Or, we might help someone with a problem, only to find out later that they didn’t actually want our help. They may have just needed someone to listen to them, rather than to solve their problem for them.
In these cases, our help can actually be pointless, or even counterproductive.
11. You’ll encourage others to ask you for help
People talk, and if you’re known for always helping others, you might find yourself bombarded with requests for assistance. It’s not uncommon for people to assume that because you’ve helped one person, you’ll be willing to help them too. This can put you in a tough spot, especially if you’re already feeling overwhelmed.
12. Your intentions might not be pure
Let’s be real, sometimes we help others because it makes us feel good about ourselves. We might do it to boost our ego or to impress others. This is not a good reason to help someone, and it can lead to a sense of insincerity and inauthenticity in our relationships.
Wrapping things up
I know I said “never”, but it’s important to note that this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t help others at all. Helping others is still a valuable and important act, but we need to be mindful of the potential consequences and make sure we’re doing it for the right reasons.
Before helping someone, consider your own needs. Make sure you’re not neglecting your well-being in order to help. Set clear expectations and boundaries with the people you’re helping, so they don’t come to expect more than you’re willing to give.
