Why You Should Never Date Someone Who Uses Pronouns
Look, it’s the 21st century, right? You’ve probably come across a bunch of folks who mention their preferred pronouns in their bios or introductions. “Hi, I’m Alex, my pronouns are they/them.” That kind of thing.
Some people might think it’s just a sign of progressive times, respect for individual identity and all that jazz. But I reckon it’s a whole other ball game. And it’s a game that doesn’t really play nice with dating.
You see, the use of preferred pronouns says a lot about a person, and not all of those things (I’d argue none, myself) are good. And if you’re considering dating an individual who does this, you owe it to yourself to be fully aware of what potential horrors await you. Let’s explore some of them, shall we?
10 reasons why you shouldn’t date a girl/guy who uses preferred pronouns
1. Losing sight of individuality
Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that respecting someone’s identity isn’t important. But think about it – aren’t pronouns just a mask for who you really are?
If you’re constantly reminding me that you prefer to be called ‘they’, where’s the room for your personality to shine through? The conversation becomes less about getting to know each other, and more about policing language.
And, frankly, who needs language policing when you’re trying to enjoy a romantic dinner?
2. Putting identity politics before relationship
When you’re dating someone who insists on specific pronouns, you could be falling into a trap of identity politics. They’re putting their identity – and your recognition of it – at the center of your relationship.
It’s not about you two, as unique individuals, sharing experiences and growing together. No, it’s about whether you’re calling them ‘he’ or ‘she’ or ‘they’ (or, sadly, a gazillion other bizarre terms that seem to pop up every 5 minutes. “Clown/clownself” anyone? I wish I were joking about that one!).
This level of constant vigilance can rob the joy and spontaneity from your relationship, especially if you slip up and use the “wrong” pronoun. You’re in for a world of hurt, my friend.
3. Enforcing a perspective, not sharing it
Some people may argue that using pronouns is just a way of expressing oneself. But isn’t it kind of dictating how others should perceive you? Because, honestly, pronouns are for others to use for us – we don’t own or control them.
And what if I, as your partner, don’t really resonate with this whole pronoun thing? It can create a conflict and make me feel like I’m being forced to adopt a perspective that I’m not comfortable with. That’s not really what sharing a life, or even a cup of coffee, should be about, is it?
4. Creating unnecessary boundaries
Pronouns can act as walls that prevent us from truly connecting with each other. Sure, respecting someone’s chosen pronouns can be seen as a sign of respect. But when it becomes a central issue, it’s just another barrier.
It’s like those people who won’t date anyone who doesn’t share their exact taste in music or movies. Are we dating people, or are we dating pronouns and pop culture preferences?
5. Always up on their soapbox
A lot of people who use pronouns tend to be what you could call social justice warriors. They’re the folks who will make a protest sign before breakfast and organize a boycott before bed.
Now, standing up for what you believe in is all well and good, but when it becomes a daily activity, it can be draining. Instead of cuddling on the couch, you might find yourself attending another rally.
Dating should be about shared interests, not shared manifestos.
6. Raising a generation of confused kids
Consider this: if you decide to have kids with someone who uses pronouns, how would that play out? Kids are like sponges, soaking up everything around them.
A home where gender is fluid can be a confusing place for a young mind trying to understand the world. Teaching them that mommy can be a ‘they’ and daddy can be a ‘she’ could lead to a whole lot of confusion and complicated questions that even adults struggle to answer.
7. Following the politically correct crowd
People who insist on pronouns are often people pleasers who tend to go along with the latest trends in political correctness. They jump on every bandwagon, adopt every buzzword, and align themselves with whatever’s considered woke.
While it’s nice to be informed and aware, there’s a difference between being educated and being a lemming. In a partner, you’d probably prefer someone with a strong sense of self, who can think for themselves and not just regurgitate the latest politically correct doctrine.
8. Walking hand in hand with left-wing liberalism
Folks who strongly advocate for pronoun usage often lean towards the left side of the political spectrum. And while everyone is entitled to their political beliefs, if you’re more centrist or conservative, dating someone with liberal views could mean dealing with ideological conflicts on a regular basis.
9. A symptom of deeper issues
Sometimes, an obsession with pronouns can be a sign of deeper personal issues. Maybe they’re struggling with their identity, or maybe they’re using the pronoun thing as a distraction from other problems. It could be anything from insecurity to a need for control.
Yeah, yeah, having compassion and showing support for someone as they go through their struggles is great, but it’s a burden, especially in a new relationship.
10. Ignoring biological and psychological realities
Finally, using pronouns that don’t align with your biological sex ignores the scientific realities of biology and psychology.
Attraction, in many ways, is linked to biological factors. And the mind’s understanding of gender is often rooted in this biology. When pronouns come into play, they can muddy the waters and create confusion, not just for you, but for your partner too.
You also have to question the long-term psychological impact of a culture that encourages dissociation from one’s biological sex. While individual experiences can certainly vary, broadly speaking, human beings are biologically and psychologically tied to their sex.
It’s a part of our evolutionary heritage and continues to influence everything from our physical health to our behavior. Ignoring these realities in favor of preferred pronouns can lead to dissonance and confusion. Square peg in a round hole, anyone?
Thus, if a healthy, balanced, free-from-delusion relationship is what you’re after, you’re probably not going to find it with a preferred pronoun user.
This is all a matter of opinion, of course. My opinion. Which is, if it wasn’t blatantly obvious, extremely biased against the overuse and perhaps unnecessary emphasis on personal pronouns in our daily lives, and more particularly in the realm of dating.
I’m all for respecting individual identities and choices (to a certain extent). But when it comes to love, I believe we should focus less on labels and more on the actual person underneath those labels. Because, at the end of the day, we’re all complex, multi-faceted human beings, not just ‘he’, ‘she’, or ‘they’.
But hey, to each their own.