Why You Should Never Yell At A Child
Yelling at children is like playing the kazoo in a symphony; it just doesn’t belong. And yet, as parents or caregivers, we all find ourselves losing our cool and raising our voices from time to time.
It’s a go-to strategy when we feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or just plain angry. And I daresay, some of us might even think it’s our only option when trying to discipline a misbehaving child.
If this sounds like you, I’m here to tell you that yelling, especially at a child, probably won’t get you the outcome you’re looking for, because you’re likely doing more harm than good. Let’s explore below.
(You might also be interested in this post: Why You Should Never Spank Your Child)
10 reasons why you shouldn’t yell at a child
1. It’s scary
Yelling can be really frightening for children, especially when it comes from someone they love and trust. Kids may not understand what they’ve done wrong or why you’re so angry, and feeling scared is only going to make things worse.
Children shouldn’t fear their parents, but respect them. If a child is constantly walking on eggshells, afraid that they’ll cause you to yell, they’re in for a tough childhood.
2. It damages self-esteem
When we yell at our kids, we undermine their confidence and self-worth. They might start to believe that they’re bad people who can never do anything right. This can lead to a whole host of issues down the line, from anxiety and depression to more severe behavioral problems.
3. It doesn’t teach them anything
Yelling might get your child’s immediate attention, but it’s not an effective teaching tool. Kids learn best when they feel safe and secure, not when they’re on edge or feeling threatened.
4. It hurts relationships
Children who are yelled at by their parents often struggle with trust and attachment later in life. They may feel like their parents don’t love them unconditionally and that they’re only valued when they behave a certain way. This can lead to distance, resentment, and even estrangement as children grow into adults.
5. It increases aggression
Research shows that children who are frequently yelled at are more likely to become aggressive themselves. Yelling can model negative behaviors for kids, making them think that it’s an acceptable way to communicate with others.
6. It doesn’t solve problems
If you’re constantly yelling at your child, you might feel like you’re getting something off your chest in the moment. But in reality, all you’re doing is creating more problems and stress for both of you.
Yelling doesn’t address the root cause of behavior, and it won’t help you figure out how to prevent similar issues in the future.
7. It will make you feel bad
Yelling isn’t only harmful to the child who’s receiving it, it can also make you, the parent or caregiver, feel pretty lousy. Guilt, shame, heightened stress, and regret are all common aftereffects of yelling at a child.
And why wouldn’t this be the case? You’re yelling at someone defenseless, someone you care about, and someone who might not even understand why you’re shouting. That’s bound to take its toll on your feelings.
8. People will judge you
It’s not a great feeling to be judged, but unfortunately, yelling at your child, particularly in public, may attract some negative scrutiny. Other parents might look at you with disapproval or even make comments about your parenting style.
Someone who’s constantly seen yelling at their children is often viewed as overbearing, overly strict or even abusive. Regardless of whether these judgments are fair or not, that’s usually the conclusion people draw.
9. It doesn’t encourage communication
Healthy relationships are built on effective communication, but yelling isn’t a form of constructive discussion; it’s just noise. Sometimes we might feel like raising our voices is the only way to make ourselves heard, but in reality, it’s only going to drive people away.
If you want your child to come to you with their problems or concerns later in life, they must know that they can talk to you without fear of getting shouted at or scolded harshly.
10. The more you yell, the less effective it becomes
Like everything in life, moderation is key. The more frequently you yell at your child, the less impact it will have over time. They’ll become desensitized to it and might even start tuning you out altogether.
This means that when a truly serious situation arises where raising your voice could actually be warranted or necessary, they won’t take you seriously.
What are some alternatives to yelling at a misbehaving child?
Now that you know how damaging yelling can be, let’s look at some of the many ways to discipline a child without resorting to yelling:
Use a calm tone
When speaking to your child, take deep breaths and keep yourself calm when you feel anger or frustration rising within you. Your body language should also be equally relaxed and non-threatening.
Use an assertive yet gentle voice as this is more effective at getting your message across than yelling.
Practice positive reinforcement
Positive behavior deserves praise! Provide incentive for good behavior by offering rewards like special treats, extra playtime with friends or family members etc.
Set clear boundaries
When children know what’s expected of them, they’re less likely to misbehave. Set clear boundaries and rules that they understand and can easily follow.
Confiscation
Temporarily taking away a toy or another prized possession as a result of your child’s behavior can be an effective tool in correcting negative behavior. This sends the message that actions have consequences and that it’s important to behave appropriately if they want access to their favorite toys, games or devices.
Ignore minor offenses
Sometimes kids act out for attention or out of boredom, which isn’t really harmful, just annoying (talking incessantly, fidgeting etc.). Ignoring minor offenses is an effective way to encourage your child to find alternate ways of entertaining themselves.
Use natural consequences
There are certain situations where allowing the natural consequences of their actions can be more impactful in correcting behavior than yelling at them would be. For example, if they refuse to wear a jacket on a cold day and end up feeling chilly, this consequence might teach them that it’s important to listen when you tell them something.
Time outs
When your child misbehaves, sometimes it’s better to take a step back and give them some space. Time-outs can be an effective way for children to calm down and reflect on their behavior.
Use humor
In certain situations where inappropriate behavior is actually humorous (but still not acceptable), using humor and making light of the situation might work better than yelling at them would have.
Empathize with your child
Showing empathy for how they’re feeling – in addition to addressing the behavior that led you to want to yell – can help calm them down and smooth things over.
Give your child a choice
Children love to feel like they have some control in choosing their outcomes, so offering options from which they can make decisions is often more beneficial than simply telling them what must be done. This way your child feels respected, making them less likely to act out of defiance or sheer frustration.